I've been having lots of conversations and connections about "endings" lately. Little deaths and transformations just bursting to come alive. All we can do is ride [the skin right off] the snake. Accept and allow the metamorphosis. If we keep resisting what the Universe is asking us to acknowledge we end up going around and around in circles. Of course, it can be painful to truly transform. It can be scary to TRUST the process. These days we tend to spend so much energy trying to avoid feeling any discomfort or fear that we forget what beautiful things can happen on the other side of that. The mainstream seems only to be about masking and convenience; and inside that we are constantly encouraged to maintain our addictions and our illusions.

If we never go beyond our fear then we can never EVOLVE. We become trapped inside our ever-fluctuating emotions by continually identifying and labelling ourselves with them. We keep on complaining about the same things year in and year out. We always seem to have a reason to be angry (anger: the power emotion that's masking something else...) The same old stories keep arising. Identifying as that old story. Identifying as an emotion. Identifying as an earlier version of yourself, because the more evolved one is always blocked.

Identity. Identifying. Me, me, me and more me!

It may seem easier to stay stagnant than to jump into the unknown. It might seem like the less scary and more protected route. But it's not. It's just familiar. And familiar feels safe. Sometimes falsely so...

These times are becoming urgent for us all to get AWARE! The hardest Universal Truth for us to realise is that none of this is personal. When we personalise everything thats when we become stuck inside the emotion of it all. When we stop resisting the discomfort that the truth can sometimes bring we begin to sow the seeds of realisation that ultimately we ALREADY ARE a perfect expression of absolute divinity.

m.m

The only way I can survive this zero-sleep period is Yoga. Before Ari, I didn't sleep huge amounts anyway but somehow this feels SO different...

I used to wake around 5.30/6am, do my own practice for around 1.5 hours, then teach several times a day, eat once, maybe twice, throughout the day, some nights go and watch my Man play a gig somewhere, and always go to bed around 12.30am regardless, then get up the next day and do it all again. I was never tired, I was never sick, never "burning the candle" as they say. I was strong, super healthy and life usually flowed nicely. It was the Yoga (and when I say Yoga it includes Pranayama, and meditation, and constant self-enquiry - the physical is just the tip of the iceberg...)

But, nowadays there's not as much time for Yoga, so if I'm lucky I get 30mins a day in. I feel hungrier and more tired than I am used to pre-pregnancy - both because of lack Yoga, and also just being a new Mama! So, energy levels and sparkly, rocking prana are a little different and are having to come from another place... a place of blessed reserves from 20 years of more hard-core practice for one! But, mostly it's from a place of selflessness; of unconditional, loving service to my Girl and to my Man... My Family.

What I want still comes first. It's just that what I want has changed. I want those two to be brimming with life and prana and happiness just as much as I always wanted it for myself. Many would call that sacrifice but I don't because I long for nothing. I am full to the brim of GRATITUDE even when my eyes are bugging out of my head when I first wake up. Because when I look at that shining little face everything else takes a back seat. In saying that, I try and get as much Yoga in as I can everyday because it just makes me a better human in every way!

Motherhood teaches me, and I'd go as far as to say forces me, to be in the moment more than any other practice I know. To keep it all in perspective I know one day I will reminisce about the early hours of the morning with Ari, the closeness of feeding, her wanting just to be near us. In the blink of an eye I'll have my 2 hours of Yoga practice a day back, no more feeding from my body to hers, and these precious moments will be in the past.

So, no matter how you feel - tired, ecstatic, sad, bored, frustrated... just feel it and be with it. Because all the Universe can promise you is that it will EVOLVE (again, and again) soon enough.

m.m